It is hard for me to write some lines today, more than a year ago I almost lost my child… I thought she was fine… a bit sad or angry at times, nothing out of the ordinary for a teenager. But I was so wrong.
With an “I’m fine” and a fake smile my girl used to bottle up all her concerns, her pain, until there was no more room for pain or sorrows…
But today is not about the past, but the now and the future, the lessons I’ve learned in this journey understanding her mental condition of major depression and anxiety, her fears and hopes, shattered dreams and new goals.
Today is #mentalhealthday let’s talk about it, end the stigma and realize that it is ok not to be ok.
Who am I? Who am I trying to be?
Not myself, anyone but myself.
Living in a fantasy to bury the reality,
Making myself the mystery,
A strong facade disguising the misery.
Empty, but beyond the point of emptiness,
Full to brim with fake confidence,
A guard that will never be broken,
Because I broke a long time ago.
I’m hurting but don’t tell anyone.
No one needs to know.
Don’t show or you’ve failed.
Always okay, always fine, always on show.
The show must go on.
It will never stop.
The show must not go on,
But I know it will.
I give up. I give up giving up.
I am lost.
I don’t need to be saved,
I need to be found.